Small Realities

Well the doctor finally gave me an answer and as far as he's knows I am not dying, I do not have cancer, and I will be able to have children. Apparently the lining of my uterus is going where ever and however it feels the need to. The doctor told me to start my birth control again and this should resume "normality." If my period does not come back then we go back to the drawing board. What that really means is we start a new dose of hormones which will inevitably turn me into a crazy bitch monster. I was a crazy bitch monster last time and I felt like three different people all wrapped in one. I didn't like it and I can only imagine how people who have to deal with this sort of thing on a daily basis. I could stand feeling this way for one day never mind my whole life.

Work picked up this week when my life got threatened and I had to have a personal escort. I knew things like this were bound to happen eventually but it still caught me off guard. I realize I need to aware of my surroundings but in a way I have almost become desensitizing to the threat. I know that sounds horrible but after yesterday the light that I thought surrounded me, protected me, shielded me, died down.